Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Loose Ends

Well, I seem to be wide awake tonight (perhaps because I spent the majority of the weekend sleeping??).  So I figure this is the perfect time to tie up some loose ends from past posts.  You know, I began writing about my religious faith (which will be an ongoing journey and examination, not wrapped up in one post), I shared the hope I had after meeting my new doctor and getting new medication, I began to rant at John Mayer (hope he didn't think I was finished with him!), and I posted a link for you all to read about the earthquake we had here (never saw that one coming).

Easiest -- The 'quake was about a 3.8 they decided, after first posting it as 4.3 (not sure how such issues get ironed out).  I hear of exactly NO ONE who was injured or even incurred more than minor damage (apologies if you have such a story and I am unaware... no insensitivity intended).  I guess we had an earthquake in Illinois a couple years ago, but it was too far away for us Chicagoans to feel.  And my mom tells me there was a moderate one back when I was a baby.   But I have never in my life personally experienced this phenomenon.    Here in the midwest we fear "twisters" and rightly so!  We, as a region, have suffered great devastation from tornados sweeping through here.  But an earthquake!! 

First off, thanks be to God that it was not another one like in Haiti.  That one was -- needless to say it -- one too many for the poor people there.  For any people to deal with, but so sad for the Haitians who have such limited (in many cases, NO) resources.  We were lucky here; this 'quake was just enough to be interesting, something to gossip with each other about ("Did you feel it?"  "What did you think it was?"  etc).  I was sleeping on my couch, having crashed out in front of the TV.  Dorian was asleep in his cat house, directly at eye level across the room from me.  I was tossing and turning and had woken up moments before.  My cat was sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden there was this ... sound, and also the feeling ... of everything shaking.  The closest experience I can relate is that of being underground when a train is going overhead on a bridge or something.  I thought that it was my upstairs neighbor doing something -- I had no idea what, but he makes loud and unidentifiable noises all the time.  But I also could tell this was not the activity of one human being, because there was such uniformity to the quaking.  Every wall, the floor, and the ceiling were all shuddering equally in force.  I think it lasted 15 seconds or so.

Dorian woke from his sleep with a start the very second it hit.  My poor baby!  I have never, in all of our car rides, moves to new places, vet visits, etc., EVER seen his eyes so huge and his ears pricked up so high!  He did what he usually does when he is afraid, or thinks maybe he might need to be afraid, and looked directly into my face.  This is such an endearing trait in my pet:  like a child looking to the trusted parent for reassurance, he looks to me when something is loud or disturbing to him, when a new person enters our home, things like that.  If I say (as I did during the earthquake), "That's alright, baby, that's okay.  It's okay" (and repeat!), then he calms down.  He trusts me!  I think it's so beautiful.   And so that is what I said to him, desperately trying to hide the fact that I actually did not know whether "it" was indeed "okay".  It was startling and scary, but over so quickly.  I might have felt frightened longer, or I might have gone upstairs and finally beat my neighbor to a pulp.  But within moments, a few friends sent texts, everyone checking on everyone else, wondering whether they felt it, all of that stuff.  Once I knew that all was well, and began to see on the TV news that reports were coming in of a minor earthquake, well, then it became just an interesting start to a day!

With the earthquake behind us then, I blogged about how John Mayer pissed me off.  I have seen the media beat him down fairly sufficiently this past week, but still.  The whole racial issue is just disgusting.  I won't get over that crap from him.  I just won't.  But the thing that I haven't heard much talk about is how he spoke of former girlfriend Jessica Simpson.  The whole way that he was so flippant and sarcastic, seeming to say that he had to get out of their relationship so that he could be mature.  Ick.  Talk about having no self knowledge at all.  He spoke in the two interviews about his ex as though he was just loving the hot sex he had with her (we ladies always love it when you share details with the world, guys), but sigh ... alas ... he had to be a man and move on with his life.   VOMIT.   I'm not a huge Jessica Simpson fan or anything; I mean, she's okay, I've liked a few of her songs, and I think she comes off pretty ditzy and over-privileged.  But this is just respect.  I can't stand the way that Mr. Mayer talks about her.  I can't stand the way a lot of the media talks about her (she is SO far from the hideous, gargantuan ogre that you would think, reading some of the press).  I hope that she knows any man who actually loves her, as Mayer claims to, would speak kindly and respectfully about their relationship.  Her ex-husband, Nick Lachey, does a great job of this.

So, John Mayer:  You are an arrogant prick.  I believe you are a racist, in some part of yourself that you need to examine.  I don't buy the line that you just ran your mouth out of ignorance (well, there's that TOO).  You have amazing musical talent, you're okay looking (a trait which is instantly elevated to HOTHOTHOT when you're a rock star), and you've been given amazing opportunities and blessings to use and enjoy during your time on this planet.  It would do you well to go away, get therapy, get faith, get a real woman as a girlfriend (although ... good luck), get whatever you need to man up.  If you can't do that, then you're just a one-trick pony.  It's a good trick, but it's just a trick.  Sad.

Okay, what else folks?  Oh ... yes, I spoke rather harshly about my Catholic upbringing.  Well, I have no other way to speak of it.  But when I was about 23 years old, I stood at the deathbed of a beloved, absolutely-consumed-with-the-joy-of-Christ grandmother.  And Something happened.  I have tried many, many times to explain in words, to write, to share, to verbalize ... what happened to me there.  My mother was able to understand, I think because the three of us (Grandma, Mom, and me) were all very close.  But I have sort of given up on telling the story until such time as I feel "called" to do so.  What I can tell you is that I was transformed that night.  It was the year 2000.  There was grief and loss to face when my grandma passed, of course.  But I knew right away that she had given me Something, as though passing me a note before she left this world. 

Grandma was an amazing woman in so many ways, tough and funny and generous and beautiful and smart ... and she was a living, breathing, walking, talking example of living one's faith.  When Christians speak of joy and peace and non-judgment and living a life that mimics that of Christ, of embodying the true spirit of the Word ... well, we all know that it is rare to see and feel the presence of someone who really lives it.  My grandma lived it, truly.  She never feared.  She ran boldly into life, she laughed, she shared, she loved.  She honestly, genuinely believed in every fiber of her being in her God.  And she showed me that if you can find that faith, if you can believe and know, you never have to fear or worry or wonder ... You never have to do anything but live and pray and give thanks.  Oh, yes, MUCH easier said than done.  But she had it down.

And that is how I began my journey into faith... (stay tuned)


Barbara aka Layla said...

I really love your blog. I am going to come back and comment further on this (have to go to sleep NOW, it just hits me sometimes). But I had to smile about the earthquake :) Living in CA all my life I am used to them but have been in a few that have scared the crap out of me. They were destructive and scary. But I would be terrified of a twister, tornado or hurricane!!!!! I am lucky I don't live on an active fault line but I did get almost knocked off my feet once and the water was sloshing out of my fishpond dramatically - I thought it was "The Big One" that we live in fear of. It wasn't. Yet....


Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

Thank you SO much for sharing your feelings about my blog :) Many people just lurk about without commenting -- which is fine of course, but it's nice to hear it when people have liked what they read! ...I can't imagine getting "used to" earthquakes, but then again, during stormy weather, it's just par for the course where I live to hear a tornado might be around. Lots of people are really, really scared of them, even here. I just grab the kitty and hide in the basement if need be! :)