Wednesday, February 10, 2010

F T W !!!

Okay, LOOK!  All you crazy, corner-cutting, paranoid, panic-stricken, freaked-out Industries, Corporations, Organizations, Companies, Websites, Manufacturers, Advertisers, Conglomerates, CEOs, Other-Executives-With-Bright-Money-Grubbing-Schemes-Making-Ideas, et. al.:

All I want to do is play Super-Farkle on Facebook (I'm talkin' the Facebook which existed ten days ago before the "layout" was "upgraded"), post un-modest quantities of digital photography featuring my pet cat on my blog and other social networking communities, watch TV commercials and Justin Bieber videos on YouTube without having to download FlashPlayer v.9.5.0.x.B.2 every hour-and-a-half, and be able to burn music that I purchased with my own money onto a disc which will later play on anything called a "CD Player" or "CD-Rom" or similar!!!!!  

... Also, I don't want to purchase a "blanket" if I made the mistake of buying my airline tickets on a flight where it costs $16.50 to obtain said item only to find out it's made out of something not-vaguely-resembling a garbage bag with Nerf padding inside.  And if I do happen to find myself on such an unfortunate aircraft, wrapped in plastic, puh-leeze don't let me look out the window TWICE on TWO SEPARATE journeys like that one guy only to see your "staff" playing monkey-in-the-middle with my brand new guitar.  Also, I'd like a snack.  Or at least a drink of water.  Included in the price of the garbage bag blanket.

...Oh, um, and I just really, really don't want to DIE while pitching aimlessly forward at 190 m.p.h. in my little foreign sedan while both feet press for dear life on a flacid brake pedal (per manufacturer's instructions given to me on morning talk shows all this week) and the gas pedal thuds to the floor with a demonic weight, in defiance of known natural law; but if that is my fate, I DO want to have my eyes open at that last moment and NOT have them closed due to my chronic sneeze-and-wheeze condition (it started when I moved in to the house with the new Chinese dry-wall), which might be Cancer but I'm not too sure because I have what's called a "Limited Health BENEFIT Plan" which doesn't cover visits to any doctors practicing in the continental United States.

So, if you guys could take care of that, it would be cool.  I mean, not that you aren't already working on all of these improvements and innovations, I'm sure!  Matter of fact, doesn't anybody ever give you, like, annual bonuses or government ... like, bailouts or something like that to help you fix all your crap do all your hard work?

1 comment:

TOM said...

You have really been writing up a storm!!