There is so, so much going on! So much on my own mind, so much going on around me with the holidays upcoming (or happening now, if you're Jewish!), so much going on in the world at large. I haven't been sure what to sit down and write about first! Haven't been able to sort out my many thoughts about the world, the country, the holidays, my own issues of serious and non-serious natures... So they say, for a writer, just sit down and start writing. I guess that what comes out in that situation is considered the "trash" one needs to unload before getting to the good stuff that really needs to be written. But oh well. I'm sifting through my trash here, and you can read along with me or not :)
I just muted the television, because I have grown completely sick of the Tiger Woods saga. I think he's complete scum. He's sold himself as a solid guy, a family man, a straight-laced athlete in a world where there aren't many of those, and it's just all bullshit. And he's sold that image not only to us, as golf fans and adults, but to kids in his Nike commercials and with his general image. And that's disgraceful, if you ask me. Is that judgmental of me to say? I guess, but it's my opinion nevertheless. I don't want to hear about him anymore, don't want to see him, don't want to watch his beleaguered wife and family pick up the pieces however they decide to do so. For me, it's over. Tiger Woods is shit. Next story?
I guess I've grown a bit tired of the world/national/celebrity news cycles in general lately. Having been home for awhile now with the disability situation, I've had some serious time to watch TV and read. I used to love to have a moment to myself to catch up on the news, politics, local stuff, and yes, to check out US Weekly and those rags. But for the past few weeks, it's all just making me kind of sick. I don't know. I really am working and praying and trying my best to make this holiday one-of-a-kind and special. It has so much potential in my personal life, with all of the beautiful changes that have taken place and continue to do so, that I really know it can be a miraculous holiday season. I'm going to make sure of it. And I guess a daily reading of war and misogyny and politics and infidelity just doesn't go along with that plan.
Don't get me wrong; I'm really sensitive to people thinking that I wouldn't stand up for, vote for, and otherwise stay tuned-in to the issues that are important to my loved ones and myself...and those that I feel are important in our world, for that matter. I would never close myself off completely from knowing what's going on in this country and world. There are many issues, especially right now, that are very close to my heart. Also, I am always praying for and supporting our troops, no matter how many are being sent or brought home, no matter the political crap going on here. I don't lose sight of that. But sometimes, in order to be effective at supporting your causes and to be effective as a functioning human being for that matter, I feel it's important to turn off the constant barrage of news we have available to us. So I'm trying to do that for the next few days or however long I can last without seeing what Nancy Grace has to say ... like I always eventually do!
So, let's see what else is in my scroll of thoughts and opinions! Okay, here's something I'll share with you all. Maybe someone has some advice. I am really upset lately because of the fact that I have been gaining weight. I know that some of you haven't seen me since I was barely maintaining 110 lbs, which was verrrry skinny for my 5'7" frame. But things have changed, seriously now. Before, I had a reaction to a new medicine, along with some really, really serious anxiety and stress in my life ... and that led to my extreme weight loss back then. But to put it all in perspective, I have gained 50 lbs in one year. Last year at this time I weighed 50 lbs less. So, yes, I needed to gain a little bit of weight, but now my Wii Fit meter is telling me I'm like 12 lbs away from obesity. Now, I work out a LOT, and I think I have enough muscle mass that maybe the Wii isn't quite accurate. I mean, you can see by my profile pictures that I'm not obese. But when you're already at a good weight, and you're eating normally and working out ... but still putting on serious weight, isn't something wrong? I'm growing concerned.
And here is where I admit my vanity. I was planning to ask the doctor about it today. He is a specialist in headache and neurological issues, but I thought I'd still run it by him, given that he knows my medicines and my recent general health history, and all of that. But I got too shy and embarrassed!! I admit it, okay? My doctor is decent-looking, and he's really, really thin! Also, he has all these books (okay, like two) on the book shelf in his office about nutrition and stuff. So I flat out was too embarrassed of my "weight problem" to ask him. I KNOW!!! Even thinking that thought makes me see how stupid and petty I was about the whole thing. But I couldn't do it. I'm currently looking for a new general doctor (I don't have one, and haven't for years), so I just figured I'd ask THAT doc about it. And I hope he/she is fat and therefore can understand. Then again, if the doctor has a weight problem, can he/she really be trusted with weight advice? Actually, I say yes. I've met many doctors and nurses and even police officers who are great at what they do, but fail miserably at applying their job knowledge to their own lives. But I digress somewhat ...
So there you have it. I now weigh 15 lbs. more than I have ever weighed in my life. I think a bit of it has to do with my being home these past few months and therefore the activity of just walking around and going to and from a job is lost. But still! Except for when I'm sick (in which case I don't usually feel well enough to eat), I am active. And as I said, I've been working out hardcore the past month or so; usually 6 days a week, I do some kind of activity at least.
I guess I'm kind of scared. I know writing on here isn't going to do anything about that. But I don't know whether weight gain can be a symptom of any serious (or non-serious, even) diseases???? I've heard it can mean Diabetes, but that seems a very remote possibility for a number of reasons for me. Maybe I'm just about to turn 34 and my metabolism has gone to shit? I don't know. Anybody ever have this issue? Oh, and P.S., while I do work out a lot, I admit I don't have the healthiest diet, if that matters.
Well, that is all for now. There are many issues and topics here for all to enjoy :)
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