I thought perhaps I should go back to writing something personal ...
I get headaches ALL the time!! I mean, they have come to DEFINE my existence a lot of the time. They have led me to try and even abuse just about every prescription medication out there ... because the pain is so bad, so out-of-control, so perplexing to the "expert" doctors (how the hell do you think I feel??), and it just never ends. I've tried the little online support groups, the sticking the needles in my toes and armpits (acupuncture?), all that. I've lost jobs and relationships and exponential amounts of other ... stuff. Right now, I'm stressing out because I'm on day two of a killer migraine that I can't seem to get rid of. I go through all the cycles of medication I'm supposed to try, relaxing, sleeping, not sleeping, everything ... but nothing will kill this one...
Then I have my little cat. Well, he's only little compared to me, and I'm a human being who stands at over 67 inches! He's only little because I outweigh him by about 100 lbs too, and I won't tell you what I weigh, but he's a very large cat! :)
He's sooo loyal and smart. Ohhhh I know: everyone thinks that about their pet. But I know that my pet is especially special! For many years now, he has lain by my side quietly purring and adjusting his spot according to my discomfort, not requesting (squeaking and meowing) food or petting or for windows to be opened, all his favorite things, while I'm sick. Now, when I'm well, on our normal days, he's always demanding things on his schedule, as a cat will do, reminding me when it's time for breakfast, when chin scratching (his, not mine) is desired, or when birds are aflight outside the window and he would like it opened for his sniffing and watching pleasure. He's such a good guy! Those are just the beginnings of our daily interactions that make our relationship special. There are many days I'd rather just spend time with him than just about any other other creature on Earth.
...Which brings me to an episode of "Oprah" I saw today, today's episode as a matter of fact! It was all about moms and having kids and all the ins and outs of that. I guess it was supposed to expose the ugly truths about what's difficult about motherhood, to expose why motherhood isn't just all roses and ... happy, snotty noses I guess. I'm not sure what the point was, but it reminded me that people always look at me strangely when I express my disinterest in having children and even getting married. Holy shit! I'm 33 and a single female, what the hell am I doing in this life???!!! That is the look I get. But I don't think there's anything wrong with me. Except for the headaches.
